God help us, it's getting near Jesus' birthday and I don't know WHAT to get him. Band-Aids? New sandals? What do you get for the kid who has Everything? Well, it doesn't really matter seeing as he's as fake as a pair of Malibu tits. He's kind of like Santa Claus; both of them have beards, they live in places inaccessible to the general public, they have reward systems based on good behavior. Except Jesus is dressed for the beach.
Anyway, another year rolls around, and again society is claiming that if I love my friends and family, then I should prove it by getting them the new Black and Decker cordless cat neuterer, or a solid gold hat. No sir, this year I'm digging deep into the 8-for-1 section of the local DVD store. Maybe I'll turn up some straight to video gem starring Chuck Norris or that karate chick who had to kill those terrorists in that building like a girl Bruce Willis. Take that, loved ones!
1 comment:
I got him a set of brass knuckles for his inevitable confrontation with Muhammed; I heard that dude has a serious posse and is looking to start some trouble with a capital WTF.
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